Guilt is not a currency

Guilt is not a currency.

It cannot be traded
It cannot be used to exchange for someone's feelings.

It cannot be given.

Guilt doesn't do anything if it doesn't cause some other action;
It's just a feeling.

No more valid and no more valuable than irritation, annoyance, or hunger.

It can be used to manipulate, but it really does nothing for the injured party.

It gives them nothing.

You cannot feel guilty enough to make it right, so why not see what you can do to make it right?
Or at least do something to abolish the feeling.

Some people think that if they feel guilty enough, that it excuses the wrongdoing.
"Oh, but I feel really guilty about it", so now everything is ok.

It is not.

You have to DO something to even the scales.

But what if you can't? What if what is done is done, and you can't change it, and guilt seems to be all you have left?

Well, I have a situation like that.

I had an aunt, actually my mother's aunt on her father's side who I called "Tia". In Spanish, "Tia" means aunt, but there's a little more to it. You can call someone a "Tia" if they take care of you.

Well, My Tia did a lot more than that.

She fed me, clothed me, rubbed my belly when it was sick, taught me spanish, cared for me, looked after me, helped my mother with me, held me, kissed me, laughed with me, laughed about me, and joyed in my being around.

She LOVED me.

She loved me pretty much as her own, since she had no children.

If anyone on this Earth missed the calling of motherhood, it was Tia.
Sometimes people wait for a situation that never comes.

She wasn't my actual mother though, so I didn't live with her.
She lived a whole 2 blocks away.

When I got old enough to start taking care of myself, I saw her less and less.
Two blocks seemed so far, and I was so busy with listening to music and getting my hair right.

I'd see her at family functions, and by the time I was a teenager, I was far too self-involved to reciprocate fully what she had given me for so much of my life.

I happened to be around the night before she died, and when I saw her in the hospital I was unprepared mentally or emotionally for what was happening. I hadn't really had anyone close to me die.

I retreated into an impatient adolescent cave.

Tubes coming out of her, and unable to speak, she tried to write something to me, which as I mentioned, I had no patience for. My mom told me that she was "trying to say goodbye", but I don't think I understood.

Don't get me wrong, I was 19 or so, and should have.
I should have seen what was happening.

I wish I had seen that the love I could always count on, the love I ignored for the past 10 years was going away, and it was going away unappreciated.

I said some sort of "Yeah, whatever" and gave her an obligatory kiss.

And that was it.

I lost her, and I can't possibly regret my actions more.

I wish I had visited more.
I wish I had laughed with her more
I wish I had shared with her more.
I wish I had given her more.

I wish I had said "Thank you for loving me".
Not just in that moment of goodbye, but with every day I had on Earth.

But i didn't feel it then.
I didn't feel it for years.
Maybe a decade.

Then it hit me; She was gone.

I remembered the way she held me, kissed me, soothed me, laughed with me, and loved me.
I realized that I had missed the chance to reflect it back. That I wouldn't ever get to stop by
and visit while she was sick... and she was sick for a long time.

I would visit later.
Later never came.

And all I was left with was guilt.
Guilt that I have carried around.

Guilt that I thought I couldn't do anything about.

But after feeling guilty about something totally unrelated, I realized that I could do something.
I realized that even though she was gone, that I could make sure it didn't happen again.
I realized that more than that, I could be the person who would remember the people who have loved me.

Because Love isn't just an emotion; Love is a verb.

I could choose to share my love, and give it like she did, being the kind of person who would make her proud, and let her know that she gave me the wish to be like her, and even if I come across someone who only takes, that I could still love them.

The guilt wasn't currency enough, so I am choosing to exchange it for love.

And LOVE is something you can give.

I'd appreciate it if you shared this post.
And if you don't, remember that your guilt doesn't help either :-)

Why Star Trek Would Kill Star Wars in a Fight

Believe it or not, this plainly obvious fight is done with the Next Generation version of Star Trek.
It's my belief that even TOS would kick Star Wars' ass, but check out these great pics:

Why Star Trek Would Kill Star Wars in a Fight - Comediva:

'via Blog this'

New Zimmerman Story- He Rescues People from a Car Wreck!?

OMG New Zimmerman story!! LOL!! I guess they're lucky they weren't wearing hoodies :-D

George Zimmerman Emerged From Hiding for Truck Crash Rescue - Yahoo!:

'via Blog this'

A Woman Has Sex with this guy? The Pundit Who Makes Coat-Hanger Abortion Jokes

Seriously? What kind of a jerk do you have to be to say something like this?
Well ladies, maybe it's time you voted for people who actually care about you...

Meet The Pundit Who Thinks Coat-Hanger Abortions Are Funny - The Daily Beast:

'via Blog this'

Half-Assed Health- How To Look Good Naked WITHOUT Starving, Suffering, Or Surgery!

Half-Assed Health- How To Look Good Naked WITHOUT Starving, Suffering, Or Surgery!


A lot of people think that in order to look good naked, and get in better shape, that you have to do complicated, difficult, "no pain no gain" workouts.

Not true.

A lot of people think that if you want to gain muscle and burn fat that you have to be at the gym for at least an hour, seven days a week, and sacrifice some sleep and eating foods you enjoy.

Not True.

So, why is it that every fitness guru who wants me to buy their DVDs and foods, and books, and TV programs, and workout gear, and exercise mats and balls, and dumbells and barbells tells me it's going to be hard?

So they can make more money from the suckers.

What if I told you that if you do the RIGHT stuff, for only 30 minutes a day, three times a week, that you'll look sexier than most, feel better than most, and still have a beer or three with your friends on the weekends?

Would you give it a try?

Most of the things you've succeeded at you've probably done half-assed and done a good enough job, right?

You can get SEXY Half-Assed too. Try me:

CLICK HERE FOR MORE PROOF

Does Getting Rich Make You An A$$hole?

A fascinating study... Apparently, people who get an advantage during Monopoly start to think they did something well to gain their wealth... they also turn into jerks:


Money on the Mind - YouTube:

I have to admit, we play Cashflow by Robert Kiyosaki, and I see this behavior often.

So it sounds pretty cut and dry, but I wonder if this isn't true no matter what game you play..
In football, basketball, parcheesi- there are some bad winners, and maybe money makes it more of a high-stakes game.

I've seen people playing poker who also get all over confident (I'm looking at you Rodriguez!)

Well, I plan on letting you know if I turn into a jerk!

'via Blog this'

My Day of The Zimmerman Verdict

This Post started out as a big long thing, but I changed it to the random thoughts that came in and out, along with some great articles... I just didn't want to forget how I felt today

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I've been reading and hearing things like "I am sick", "Such a tragedy", "No Justice" after hearing the verdict of George Zimmerman and his killing of Trayvon Martin.

 I've also seen posts like "Trayvon wanted to live the 'Thug Life', so he got what he deserved", and "This case wouldn't even have been an issue if not for the race baiters"

 I've also seen people say things like "How you respond to the verdict is part of the problem", and "We pray that cooler heads prevail". In the abstract, it is a horrible tragedy that a 17 year-old boy can be stalked and killed because George Zimmerman thought he looked suspicious.

 But to some of us, it's FRIGHTENING.
 PERSONALLY FRIGHTENING.

It's not just something we'd like to change, or something we wish would change, we are personally FRIGHTENED by it.

 And so, when I see children starving to death in Africa with flies in their eyes, I think to myself "That's a tragedy, It makes me sick, there's no justice"... but it doesn't FRIGHTEN me. Yes, I think it's horrible, but I do not see MYSELF in danger because of it.

 It's very convenient for me to see starving people and feel bad about it. And YES, I think it's terrible, but I am not PERSONALLY in danger of starving to death while walking down the street.

So, when I read posts from people who care deeply- and I know they do- they just can't understand the PERSONAL DANGER that many of us feel.

The Zimmerman verdict (even though I understand the burden of proof requirement), made me question even having a child, because my child will look more like me than my wife, and I'll have to prepare him or her for these truths. 

Here's a good article- Eight talking points about the potentially fatal condition of being black Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2012/03/21/how-to-talk-to-young-black-boys-about-trayvon-martin/#ixzz2Z39T41p1
And now what reaction do I have? So, of course we should be able to dress however we want, but maybe Erkel's style should come in style, and we should all kick the ass of the next rapper I see wearing a hoodie and being thug.
 Justin Beiber and Miley can be as thugged out as they like without anyone suspecting them.

If you're blonde with big tits, people assume you're dumb
If you're sexy and your look arouses men, people think you're immoral
If you're poor or fat, people think you're lazy 

If you're black, people think you're dumb, immoral, and lazy.

Ok, so after a little bit of a cry, and two good conversations, I feel like we have to get on the other side of this. We have to get back to INSPIRATION and UNDERSTANDING.

 I just realized what time it is... I've been in the apartment all day; moping around, sad, and profoundly lonely. I have an interest in absolutely nothing today.

There's that "Profound loneliness" I sometimes forget is always lurking, waiting to remind me of itself, and I can't out run it today. I haven't left the apartment. I was about to, and realized I was wearing camouflage army shorts and a tank top, and I thought: "maybe I should change?".

I am reminded of the Central Park 5, and what it felt like to be looked at like one of them. I was their age, and suddenly we were ALL one of them. What's strange is that I assumed this would be the verdict, and I even understand that the "burden of proof" and blah, blah, blah, but somehow I feel like I have been devalued... AGAIN. and I'm light-skinned! 

However, all of that said, this is my favoprite article so far: http://www.timwise.org/2013/07/no-innocence-left-to-kill-racism-injustice-and-explaining-america-to-my-daughter/

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Also, (and I'm adding this the day after the above), This article is GREAT and really represents a lot of how I feel- especially the "Sight" section- http://themolinist.wordpress.com/2013/07/14/an-open-letter-to-whites-about-the-black-community-and-the-trayvon-martin-case/

By the way, the reason America sees Black male youth as problematic is because back in slavery days, when a black male went through puberty, they stopped wanting to be slaves, and so that's when they started fighting back.... we have not lost that idea.

And if you say "Oh, but that was SOOOO long ago!", let me remind you that we all still think Heaven and God are in the sky, even though we clearly know that neither is.