Why I lied to my wife...

I had been lying to her for months.

My name is Bones Rodriguez, and I met Laura Valpey doing improvisational comedy in New York City. We were friends first, fell in love, and had been living together for two years when I had to start deceiving her.

We had so many funny conversations that I had made some of them into short sketches, and even turned one of them into a book- “Captain Kirk’s Guide To Women”, due out in February from Simon and Schuster.

I told her I wanted to perform seven sketches during my birthday party that year- which was to be held 3 weeks AFTER my birthday.

That was a lie.

I also told her that my mother was coming up to visit because she had a reunion that weekend, and she would come see the show- just to spend time with us.

That was another lie- but it just snowballed after that.

All of the friends I invited to the birthday party had to lie to her too- they all knew the truth, but were sworn to secrecy. The comedy group we were in together had to lie- they all memorized lines, and produced a show all built around the same secret:

I was going to propose to her that night.

In fact, I had written seven sketches all to set up for the fifth one- the one where “the couple” (we played ourselves) discusses engagement rings, and the unskilled guy needs tips from the girl.

We performed sketches about looking for the TV remote, sketches about internet dating, and sketches about sex. The audience started out nervous- we were all waiting for the big scene- but after a while the laughter came and they seemed to forget why they were there.

But I couldn’t let it go; The entire night I was unfocused, stuttering, and forgetting my lines left and right. My poor girlfriend had to keep feeding me my lines, but she just figured I was nervous because I had written the entire show.

Then came the “ring sketch”, and the audience stopped laughing.

You could hear a pin drop as we went through the scene, a chuckle here, and stifled laugh there. About 2 minutes into it, they loosened up, and they laughed easily again. I was playing the incompetent guy, not knowing how to look for a ring, classify a ring, or buy a ring. Laura said her lines about the weight, color, and style.

Then Laura’s line came: “I wanna be surprised”

Unbeknownst to her- this was my big moment. This is why I had written these sketches, and this is why I was onstage. This was why 50 people were in the audience, and why my mother flew up from Miami. This is the moment when I could stop lying, hiding and misleading.

I went off-script, and delivered a different line: “Are you sure?”

But she had been feeding me lines all night, and since we’re both trained improvisers, she just went with me:

“yeah”

But then she could see the look on my face when I called my best friend over to the stage:

“Ok… Hey Rick….”

The audience held their breath, and Rick brought the ring he had been holding in his pocket all night- the ring that I had bought months before, the ring I had hidden in a piece of furniture after staying up late nights doing “work”.

That’s when it hit her.

A sketch about looking for engagement rings? A birthday party three weeks after my birthday? Calling her parents to tell her all about the party and inviting them? She hid her face in her hands as I got down on one knee,

And asked her to do me the honor of becoming my wife.

And the best part?

She said yes!!

-And we got it all on video.

As my girlfriend-now-wife says in the video, I AM a show-off, but I initially got the proposal on video because I knew I would want to remember it forever. I also figured family members all around the world would like to see it too; Laura’s family is in Seattle and mine is scattered throughout Florida.

Watching it on video two years later, I still get the same butterflies in my stomach now as I did then. I was so happy, and so thrilled with that moment, I just wanted to share it with as many people as possible. I even made a website www.BonesLovesLaura.com just to let cyberspace share in it too.

What I didn’t expect were the comments! So many people have written in and the comments are so wonderful. Many of them are married people, or engaged people who were looking for innovative ways to propose, or just wanting to know what other people have done.

Our video is one of the most popular REAL proposal videos. There are some companies that have tried to copy our success by putting “rejected proposal” videos, but they’re all just bad advertising, and in my opinion, bad taste. Why ruin such a nice moment?

I think people like to see other people happy, and that’s why “feel-good” shows like Extreme Makeover Home Edition and Oprah do so well. Strong emotions bring us all together, and tears of joy are the best. I do a lot of things, I write, I act, and I have businesses, but this is far and away the best thing I have ever done.

And now I don’t have to lie to her anymore!

Wanna see it? Go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7leiaqD-7DU

**************************************************
I wrote the above for an article that someone asked me for. I found it on my computer, and didn't know what to do with it, so here it is!

Why I lied to my wife...

I had been lying to her for months.

My name is Bones Rodriguez, and I met Laura Valpey doing improvisational comedy in New York City. We were friends first, fell in love, and had been living together for two years when I had to start deceiving her.

We had so many funny conversations that I had made some of them into short sketches, and even turned one of them into a book- “Captain Kirk’s Guide To Women”, due out in February from Simon and Schuster.

I told her I wanted to perform seven sketches during my birthday party that year- which was to be held 3 weeks AFTER my birthday.

That was a lie.

I also told her that my mother was coming up to visit because she had a reunion that weekend, and she would come see the show- just to spend time with us.

That was another lie- but it just snowballed after that.

All of the friends I invited to the birthday party had to lie to her too- they all knew the truth, but were sworn to secrecy. The comedy group we were in together had to lie- they all memorized lines, and produced a show all built around the same secret:

I was going to propose to her that night.

In fact, I had written seven sketches all to set up for the fifth one- the one where “the couple” (we played ourselves) discusses engagement rings, and the unskilled guy needs tips from the girl.

We performed sketches about looking for the TV remote, sketches about internet dating, and sketches about sex. The audience started out nervous- we were all waiting for the big scene- but after a while the laughter came and they seemed to forget why they were there.

But I couldn’t let it go; The entire night I was unfocused, stuttering, and forgetting my lines left and right. My poor girlfriend had to keep feeding me my lines, but she just figured I was nervous because I had written the entire show.

Then came the “ring sketch”, and the audience stopped laughing.

You could hear a pin drop as we went through the scene, a chuckle here, and stifled laugh there. About 2 minutes into it, they loosened up, and they laughed easily again. I was playing the incompetent guy, not knowing how to look for a ring, classify a ring, or buy a ring. Laura said her lines about the weight, color, and style.

Then Laura’s line came: “I wanna be surprised”

Unbeknownst to her- this was my big moment. This is why I had written these sketches, and this is why I was onstage. This was why 50 people were in the audience, and why my mother flew up from Miami. This is the moment when I could stop lying, hiding and misleading.

I went off-script, and delivered a different line: “Are you sure?”

But she had been feeding me lines all night, and since we’re both trained improvisers, she just went with me:

“yeah”

But then she could see the look on my face when I called my best friend over to the stage:

“Ok… Hey Rick….”

The audience held their breath, and Rick brought the ring he had been holding in his pocket all night- the ring that I had bought months before, the ring I had hidden in a piece of furniture after staying up late nights doing “work”.

That’s when it hit her.

A sketch about looking for engagement rings? A birthday party three weeks after my birthday? Calling her parents to tell her all about the party and inviting them? She hid her face in her hands as I got down on one knee,

And asked her to do me the honor of becoming my wife.

And the best part?

She said yes!!

-And we got it all on video.

As my girlfriend-now-wife says in the video, I AM a show-off, but I initially got the proposal on video because I knew I would want to remember it forever. I also figured family members all around the world would like to see it too; Laura’s family is in Seattle and mine is scattered throughout Florida.

Watching it on video two years later, I still get the same butterflies in my stomach now as I did then. I was so happy, and so thrilled with that moment, I just wanted to share it with as many people as possible. I even made a website www.BonesLovesLaura.com just to let cyberspace share in it too.

What I didn’t expect were the comments! So many people have written in and the comments are so wonderful. Many of them are married people, or engaged people who were looking for innovative ways to propose, or just wanting to know what other people have done.

Our video is one of the most popular REAL proposal videos. There are some companies that have tried to copy our success by putting “rejected proposal” videos, but they’re all just bad advertising, and in my opinion, bad taste. Why ruin such a nice moment?

I think people like to see other people happy, and that’s why “feel-good” shows like Extreme Makeover Home Edition and Oprah do so well. Strong emotions bring us all together, and tears of joy are the best. I do a lot of things, I write, I act, and I have businesses, but this is far and away the best thing I have ever done.

And now I don’t have to lie to her anymore!

Wanna see it? Go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7leiaqD-7DU

**************************************************
I wrote the above for an article that someone asked me for. I found it on my computer, and didn't know what to do with it, so here it is!

Shatner and Palin...

I couldn't resist adding this to the log:

The Texas Tigers and Billy Joe Bush

The Texas Tigers and Billy Joe Bush

Everyone had high hopes for the Texas Tigers; they were the newest, and rumored to be the best baseball team ever put together.

Although they had only been playing together for a little while, they knew how to bring out the best in each other. The fielding was excellent, the hitting was bar none, and the pitching was fantastic.

Billy Joe Bush was a big baseball fan who had an inheritance big enough to buy several small countries. He chose to buy the Texas Tigers, and he had a plan to have them go undefeated.

Billy Joe Bush knew that if the pitcher pitched a no-hitter, that there was no way they could lose.

He ordered a no-hitter.

The pitcher told him that he would do his best, but that fortunately, the team had excellent fielding, and they had all been working on their hitting. Even the pitcher was batting .300.

“I said, a no-hitter” Billy Joe Bush made himself clear.

The pitcher explained that of course, he would love to deliver a no-hitter, but that winning the game was what the team's real goal was.

“Am I an idiot? Of course winning the game is the goal- and that's why I'm telling you to pitch a no-hitter. And if you don't pitch a no-hitter, I'm breaking up the team, and selling off each of you. End of discussion.”

“Billy, We can win the game without pitching a no-hitter-” the pitcher tried to explain

“If you don't pitch a no-hitter, I am taking apart the team.” and Billy Joe Bush walked away.

On the day of the big game, the whole team had heard about the order. None of them wanted to go out on the field, no one wanted to play, but since they were professionals, they pulled it together. They knew the fans were there for them to play their best, to do their best, and they would.

But the pitcher had to deliver a no-hitter, or it would all be over.

So, the pitcher took the mound, the players took the field. The crowd cheered, and got ready for the first pitch. The Texas Tigers knew they couldn't let everyone down.

The pitcher looked out to the hitter, looked into the eyes of the catcher, and did what he had to do to make Billy Joe Bush happy, keep the team together, and play more games in the future.

First pitch: High and outside. So was every pitch after that- He walked every batter.

The Texas Tigers lost the game miserably, but he pitched a no-hitter-

Just as Billy Joe Bush ordered.

The Texas Tigers and Billy Joe Bush

The Texas Tigers and Billy Joe Bush

Everyone had high hopes for the Texas Tigers; they were the newest, and rumored to be the best baseball team ever put together.

Although they had only been playing together for a little while, they knew how to bring out the best in each other. The fielding was excellent, the hitting was bar none, and the pitching was fantastic.

Billy Joe Bush was a big baseball fan who had an inheritance big enough to buy several small countries. He chose to buy the Texas Tigers, and he had a plan to have them go undefeated.

Billy Joe Bush knew that if the pitcher pitched a no-hitter, that there was no way they could lose.

He ordered a no-hitter.

The pitcher told him that he would do his best, but that fortunately, the team had excellent fielding, and they had all been working on their hitting. Even the pitcher was batting .300.

“I said, a no-hitter” Billy Joe Bush made himself clear.

The pitcher explained that of course, he would love to deliver a no-hitter, but that winning the game was what the team's real goal was.

“Am I an idiot? Of course winning the game is the goal- and that's why I'm telling you to pitch a no-hitter. And if you don't pitch a no-hitter, I'm breaking up the team, and selling off each of you. End of discussion.”

“Billy, We can win the game without pitching a no-hitter-” the pitcher tried to explain

“If you don't pitch a no-hitter, I am taking apart the team.” and Billy Joe Bush walked away.

On the day of the big game, the whole team had heard about the order. None of them wanted to go out on the field, no one wanted to play, but since they were professionals, they pulled it together. They knew the fans were there for them to play their best, to do their best, and they would.

But the pitcher had to deliver a no-hitter, or it would all be over.

So, the pitcher took the mound, the players took the field. The crowd cheered, and got ready for the first pitch. The Texas Tigers knew they couldn't let everyone down.

The pitcher looked out to the hitter, looked into the eyes of the catcher, and did what he had to do to make Billy Joe Bush happy, keep the team together, and play more games in the future.

First pitch: High and outside. So was every pitch after that- He walked every batter.

The Texas Tigers lost the game miserably, but he pitched a no-hitter-

Just as Billy Joe Bush ordered.

"Leblon James" slam dunks Miami nightlife

************************************************************
"Leblon James" slam dunks Miami nightlife

Never bet against King James.

What does famous basketball star Lebron James have to do with my hangover?
Well, it's not what you think...

I decided to go out in Miami with a rather tall chilean female friend of mine,
and we ran into a bunch of Spaniards who kept saying that Miami was "puta madre",
which by my understanding means "whore mother".

Well, by the end of the night, I would know what they meant.

The four of us went out to The Delano, one of Miami's hottest, swankiest hotels,
where women can just stand around and be bought drinks, rooms, and
bentleys if they're patient. I turned my head for a second to talk to the spaniards
when some guy with a glint in his eye offered to by my vertically advantaged friend a drink:

"Have you had a Leblon James yet?"
"huh?"
"It's Leblon and Orange Juice"

I laughed, and maybe interrupting his flow,
"That's hilarious" I said.

Of course, I got the joke, that LebRon James (with an r) is a basketball star,
and so having Leblon (a brand of Cachaca) with orange juice was representative of him.

It was sweeter than a vodka and oj,
but not girlie, so I liked it.

We all liked it.

Well, the guy was nice enough to get us all a round,
and then another, and then another.

And at the Delano, that got pricey.

Frankly, I was thinking about going home with him myself!

We eventually left (sorry Delano guy) and went on to The Clevelander,
which is pretty much the opposite of The Delano, with people dancing
and rapping along to hip-hop beats all night.

We thought it was appropriate to order a couple of Leblon James' at the Clevelander
(Lebron plays for The Cleveland Cavaliers), but the bartender hadn't heard of it yet.

Once we explained it was Leblon with Orange juice,
the bartender laughed, and gave them to us on the house!

That's probably when we should have called the game,

but since we didn't pay for the first round, we made it up by ordering two more.
Well, about an hour into the dancing, just about when
Biggie was talking about how his crew does run-run, I felt it-

Leblon James had slam dunked on me.

I decided that I would put some money down on the next Cavaliers game,
because if King James' drink could do a number on me,
I'm pretty sure we'll see them in the final four this year.
******************************

Starfleet Shoes- from Payless.

Payless ShoeSource - Mens - Stpl X Airwalk - Stpl X Airwalk Star Trek Terrain Starfleet Edition Hi Skate



They should go really fast or something, shouldn't they?
Well, will they help you with the ladies?

OF COURSE!!!