A little Valentine's Day Sketch from me to you:

VALENTIME'S DAY - NIGHT

Boy coming home....

GIRL
Hey Honey! How was your day?
BOY
Teaching English to disinterested youth can be difficult….
GIRL
Well, I want to make it all better- Happy Valentime's Day!!
BOY
Oh yes…. Happy Valentine's Day to you!
GIRL
I love you SO much; Every day I Thanks God for you!
BOY
I feel the same way. I THANK God for you, and all of the time we have together, and all of the time we have left.
GIRL
You say such nice things. You always have nice things to say on Valentime's day.
BOY
Well, it's easy with you; Hey sweetie…. I'm excited about the dinner you said you made for ValentiNe's…
GIRL
Yeah, I just had to use my special recipe after I unthawed the meat.
BOY
You Unthawed the meat?
GIRL
Yeah. And I squoze out the juices.
BOY
You Squoze them? Sounds delicious.
GIRL
We'll have a meal, and then we can conversate all night.
BOY
Did we EVER conversate? The word is CONVERSE
GIRL
Oh, like “Converse Sneakers”?
BOY
Ok, that's it.
GIRL
What?
BOY
I can't take it anymore- SPEAK ENGLISH!
GIRL
What do you mean?
BOY
We've been together for 3 months, and I can hardly understand you.
GIRL
What if I was to talk good?
BOY
I'm an ENGLISH TEACHER. This won't work.
GIRL
But we loves each other!
BOY
Maybe it was the sex, but I can't stand it anymore- my family raised me to speak ENGLISH!
GIRL
So what? That's a mute point.
BOY
MOOT point
GIRL
I'm sure I'll learn adventurally-
BOY
Did you just say ADVENTURALLY? That's not even in the realm of-
GIRL
I could care less!
BOY
COULDN'T care less- if you COULD care less, then…what's the problem?
GIRL
Your whole family are snobby- the way yous act.
BOY
IS Snobby- The way YOU act!
GIRL
YOUS act!
BOY
YOU act! I HATE this!
GIRL
(crying)
How can you be so mean?
BOY
Oh.... wait, I’m sorry, you’re right. I am being mean. Maybe we can figure something out.
GIRL
Oh thank you, I KNEW we could come to some sort of agreance.
BOY
Fuck this- I’m out!
GIRL
You’re breaking up with me today?- On Valentime's day??
BOY
It’s VALENTINE'S!!!!! With an N!!!!
GIRL
Nalentime's Day?
BOY
Ugh- I'm leaving now.
GIRL
You're leaving irregardless of my feelings?
BOY
I’m leaving- REGARDLESS of your feelings.
GIRL
Wait what does Irregardless mean?
BOY
REGARDLESS.
GIRL
Well then- Touche'
BOY
Good bye (leaves)
GIRL
(crying again)
This was the worst Nalentime's Day ever!

A little Valentine's Day Sketch from me to you:

VALENTIME'S DAY - NIGHT

Boy coming home....

GIRL
Hey Honey! How was your day?
BOY
Teaching English to disinterested youth can be difficult….
GIRL
Well, I want to make it all better- Happy Valentime's Day!!
BOY
Oh yes…. Happy Valentine's Day to you!
GIRL
I love you SO much; Every day I Thanks God for you!
BOY
I feel the same way. I THANK God for you, and all of the time we have together, and all of the time we have left.
GIRL
You say such nice things. You always have nice things to say on Valentime's day.
BOY
Well, it's easy with you; Hey sweetie…. I'm excited about the dinner you said you made for ValentiNe's…
GIRL
Yeah, I just had to use my special recipe after I unthawed the meat.
BOY
You Unthawed the meat?
GIRL
Yeah. And I squoze out the juices.
BOY
You Squoze them? Sounds delicious.
GIRL
We'll have a meal, and then we can conversate all night.
BOY
Did we EVER conversate? The word is CONVERSE
GIRL
Oh, like “Converse Sneakers”?
BOY
Ok, that's it.
GIRL
What?
BOY
I can't take it anymore- SPEAK ENGLISH!
GIRL
What do you mean?
BOY
We've been together for 3 months, and I can hardly understand you.
GIRL
What if I was to talk good?
BOY
I'm an ENGLISH TEACHER. This won't work.
GIRL
But we loves each other!
BOY
Maybe it was the sex, but I can't stand it anymore- my family raised me to speak ENGLISH!
GIRL
So what? That's a mute point.
BOY
MOOT point
GIRL
I'm sure I'll learn adventurally-
BOY
Did you just say ADVENTURALLY? That's not even in the realm of-
GIRL
I could care less!
BOY
COULDN'T care less- if you COULD care less, then…what's the problem?
GIRL
Your whole family are snobby- the way yous act.
BOY
IS Snobby- The way YOU act!
GIRL
YOUS act!
BOY
YOU act! I HATE this!
GIRL
(crying)
How can you be so mean?
BOY
Oh.... wait, I’m sorry, you’re right. I am being mean. Maybe we can figure something out.
GIRL
Oh thank you, I KNEW we could come to some sort of agreance.
BOY
Fuck this- I’m out!
GIRL
You’re breaking up with me today?- On Valentime's day??
BOY
It’s VALENTINE'S!!!!! With an N!!!!
GIRL
Nalentime's Day?
BOY
Ugh- I'm leaving now.
GIRL
You're leaving irregardless of my feelings?
BOY
I’m leaving- REGARDLESS of your feelings.
GIRL
Wait what does Irregardless mean?
BOY
REGARDLESS.
GIRL
Well then- Touche'
BOY
Good bye (leaves)
GIRL
(crying again)
This was the worst Nalentime's Day ever!

$20 for a slave kid?

So apparently, there are some villages so poor in Africa (how poor are they?), that parents sell their kids to work for fishermen who use them as slave labor.

for 20 bucks.

Of course, the parents don't know they're treated so poorly, but that's beside the point. Some of these kids are 4 years old, and their entire job is to scoop water out of a fishing kayak. Some of them are rowing, and some are throwing nets.

And they get ONE meal a day.

So now there are organizations who are rescuing these kids by asking the fishermen to let them go- out of the kindness of their hearts.

Some DO let some kids go, but the fishermen DO need to make a living, and they want their businesses to continue.

-and they SHOULD want that. Without them, there is NO HOPE for the entire continent.

Even "the land of opportunity" had it's child labor issues, and we flourished on slave labor, but we eventually pulled out. Other countries are where we were just a short time ago.

Why don't we HELP THEM get further along?

If the 4 year old is just scooping out water, why can't we show them a machine that does it?
If the family is so poor that they have to sell their kid to get groceries, why can't we show them that instead of buying groceries, they can buy a COW, and sell milk, cheese, and calves?
If we have figured out BETTER ways to do something, why aren't we showing them?

Of course, isn't this the argument for why we "helped" the Native American, and then took their land?

Where is the line between "helping" and "conquering"?

I honestly believe that what WE are doing- or at least what we SAY we are doing- or at least what we say we are TRYING to do here in America is the way to go- FREEDOM and INDIVIDUAL rights.

So if it costs $20 for a kid, isn't the world better off buying that kid an education, and giving the fisherman a machine?

I think so.

I guess that's it.

$20 for a slave kid?

So apparently, there are some villages so poor in Africa (how poor are they?), that parents sell their kids to work for fishermen who use them as slave labor.

for 20 bucks.

Of course, the parents don't know they're treated so poorly, but that's beside the point. Some of these kids are 4 years old, and their entire job is to scoop water out of a fishing kayak. Some of them are rowing, and some are throwing nets.

And they get ONE meal a day.

So now there are organizations who are rescuing these kids by asking the fishermen to let them go- out of the kindness of their hearts.

Some DO let some kids go, but the fishermen DO need to make a living, and they want their businesses to continue.

-and they SHOULD want that. Without them, there is NO HOPE for the entire continent.

Even "the land of opportunity" had it's child labor issues, and we flourished on slave labor, but we eventually pulled out. Other countries are where we were just a short time ago.

Why don't we HELP THEM get further along?

If the 4 year old is just scooping out water, why can't we show them a machine that does it?
If the family is so poor that they have to sell their kid to get groceries, why can't we show them that instead of buying groceries, they can buy a COW, and sell milk, cheese, and calves?
If we have figured out BETTER ways to do something, why aren't we showing them?

Of course, isn't this the argument for why we "helped" the Native American, and then took their land?

Where is the line between "helping" and "conquering"?

I honestly believe that what WE are doing- or at least what we SAY we are doing- or at least what we say we are TRYING to do here in America is the way to go- FREEDOM and INDIVIDUAL rights.

So if it costs $20 for a kid, isn't the world better off buying that kid an education, and giving the fisherman a machine?

I think so.

I guess that's it.

Best Joker 2006....

Yeah! I won the "Best Joke Teller" Award for 2006 over at

http://www.thejokeproject.com/days/2007_days/010507_qt.htm

I LOVE this site- I mean, they have great taste!!

They film all over New York City; find out where they'll be, and go tell a joke!

Best Joker 2006....

Yeah! I won the "Best Joke Teller" Award for 2006 over at

http://www.thejokeproject.com/days/2007_days/010507_qt.htm

I LOVE this site- I mean, they have great taste!!

They film all over New York City; find out where they'll be, and go tell a joke!

A Deck of Cards = Nice Body?

It's damn cold here in NYC.

Damn Cold.

Since my Gym is across town, and it's DAMN COLD, I am less than motivated to go over there.

However, I DO need to work out.

So, I remembered a workout I used to do in college, and thought I'd do it.

It kicked my ass.

Here it is:

Take a regular deck of 52 cards, and shuffle them.

Then turn over a card:

If it's a Spade, you do that number of squats
If it's a Club, you do that many Pull-ups
If it's a Diamond, you do that many crunches
If it's a Heart, you do that many push-ups.

Aces are worth 20.


You can of course increase the intensity by adding weight, by varying the excercises, by doing full sit-ups instead of crunches, etc.
You can also play with the Jokers being something special- like 10 of each in one big circuit.

I take no responsibility for your muscles the next day.