In McClaine We Trust!!

We just came from seeing LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD- and...

YIPPEE-KAY-YAY- MOFO!!!

John McClaine does it again- he takes a lickin', and keeps on tickin- despite being shot at, thrown out of cars, and just barely escaping explosions, he'll take you for a great ride.

We LAUGHED at some of the ways he escapes danger, or gets the bad guys, but we were laughing with SATISFACTION.

A great feeling.

So far, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD is winning "movie of the summer"- I may even like this one more than the third one.

In McClaine We Trust!!

We just came from seeing LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD- and...

YIPPEE-KAY-YAY- MOFO!!!

John McClaine does it again- he takes a lickin', and keeps on tickin- despite being shot at, thrown out of cars, and just barely escaping explosions, he'll take you for a great ride.

We LAUGHED at some of the ways he escapes danger, or gets the bad guys, but we were laughing with SATISFACTION.

A great feeling.

So far, LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD is winning "movie of the summer"- I may even like this one more than the third one.

I am writing a book on Star Trek.

What does this have to do with you?

Well, what I learned about Internet marketing is being used here.

The way I got my Agent? Marketing.
The way we got to the publisher? Marketing.

I even maed a website because I learned how to make one before,
and I made it so people could sign up early. I learned it all from
working at home- how cool is that?

I NEVER thought that I would be able to transfer any of that knowledge,
but I'm using it for TREK!!!!!

You can keep learning and growing too- go for it!

Star-Trek Book- "WARP-SPEED AHEAD!!!"

I found out that my STAR TREK book is due a LOT sooner than I was originally told-

It was SUPPOSED to come out along with the new Star Trek Movie in December of 2008,
(and by the way, I REALLY want Shatner to be in it)
but APPARENTLY, they want it to come out 10 MONTHS Earlier- Valentines' Day, 2008!!!

So, I am gettin' cranking, and writing my Star Trek Book like Mad!!

Oh- wanna know all about it?

Well, here goes: "Captain Kirk's Guide To Women- How to Romance Any Woman In The Galaxy"

And here's the new webpage: http://www.CaptainKirksGuideToWomen.com
or just http://www.KirksGuide.com for short.

This is a made-up version of the cover:

Star-Trek Book- "WARP-SPEED AHEAD!!!"

I found out that my STAR TREK book is due a LOT sooner than I was originally told-

It was SUPPOSED to come out along with the new Star Trek Movie in December of 2008,
(and by the way, I REALLY want Shatner to be in it)
but APPARENTLY, they want it to come out 10 MONTHS Earlier- Valentines' Day, 2008!!!

So, I am gettin' cranking, and writing my Star Trek Book like Mad!!

Oh- wanna know all about it?

Well, here goes: "Captain Kirk's Guide To Women- How to Romance Any Woman In The Galaxy"

And here's the new webpage: http://www.CaptainKirksGuideToWomen.com
or just http://www.KirksGuide.com for short.

This is a made-up version of the cover:

Progressive Commercial...

I had some people ask me to chronicle some of my acting adventures, so I thought I would talk about the commercial auditions I go on, and discuss their marketing.

Today I auditioned for "Progressive Auto Insurance"- They had me hold up a picture of a tow truck :"This represents the number of accidents in Florida", then I held up a Dollar sign next to it. "This represents Progressive's Rates".

"When number of accidents go down" I lowered the tow truck, "Then your insurance rates go down" I lowered the Dollar sign. "That means more money in your pocket".

Good commercial.

Why?

Well, I like that they were making their point visually (As I understand it, they want the signs to be lowered on an automatic car window), and it was to the point. It's also a great concept for insurance rates.

However, since I'm a know-it-all, I added at the last line "That means more money in your pocket FOR NEON LIGHTS AND FLAMINGOES"- that's a Florida joke. Not great, but I was adding specificity to the ad.

Will I get it? Who knows- they were looking for a "Zach Branth" or whatever his name is from Scrubs. Do I look like him?

Ah- this is ALSO a crazy business!

DOA: Dead or Alive

What the hell is everyone's problem?

This movie was AWESOME.

Very stupid, with awful dialogue, an I've-seen-worse plot, but AWESOME.

Look, here's how I rate movies:

How much did I enjoy watching it?

Period.

I enjoyed watching this quite a bit. Hot chicks fighting. What on EARTH else are you looking for?

This is MILES better than Daredevil
LEAGUES better than Elektra
ZILLION times better than the Hulk.

As far as THIS summer goes, it's better than Spider-man 3, better than Pirates 3, and better than Fantastic Four 2.

People keep comparing it to Charlies' Angels 2, and I LOVE that movie!
Maybe I'm just a sucker for hot chicks.

Not that "I've seen worse" is a great endorsement, but DOA was fun, it tried to be funny, and it tried to have a sensible plot. I laughed an AWFUL lot (not necessarily at things that were supposed to be funny), and now I have Eric Roberts in my mind saying:

"Our Nanobots were working OVERTIME with that one"

And by the way, I am now IN LOVE with Jaime Pressly.

DOA= Diggin' Obvious Assets.

DOA= Don't Obfuscate Awesomeness.

DOA= Do Outfits Attract?

Add some more!

DOA: Dead or Alive

What the hell is everyone's problem?

This movie was AWESOME.

Very stupid, with awful dialogue, an I've-seen-worse plot, but AWESOME.

Look, here's how I rate movies:

How much did I enjoy watching it?

Period.

I enjoyed watching this quite a bit. Hot chicks fighting. What on EARTH else are you looking for?

This is MILES better than Daredevil
LEAGUES better than Elektra
ZILLION times better than the Hulk.

As far as THIS summer goes, it's better than Spider-man 3, better than Pirates 3, and better than Fantastic Four 2.

People keep comparing it to Charlies' Angels 2, and I LOVE that movie!
Maybe I'm just a sucker for hot chicks.

Not that "I've seen worse" is a great endorsement, but DOA was fun, it tried to be funny, and it tried to have a sensible plot. I laughed an AWFUL lot (not necessarily at things that were supposed to be funny), and now I have Eric Roberts in my mind saying:

"Our Nanobots were working OVERTIME with that one"

And by the way, I am now IN LOVE with Jaime Pressly.

DOA= Diggin' Obvious Assets.

DOA= Don't Obfuscate Awesomeness.

DOA= Do Outfits Attract?

Add some more!

Why your palm hurts....

I LOVE my cellphone/pda the TREO 650.
This love for my device has a good lesson in it- and
it's not what you think.

It's ok to love an inanimate object.

Excuse me-

wait a second-

this message is to tell you why I now HATE
by cellphone/pda TREO 650.

I found out recently that the pictures I have been taking and saving to my
computer were actually NOT being saved to it.

I figured it was something I had done wrong, but after spending an HOUR
with 4 different people from PALMONE, found out that the software that
connects my phone to my computer ONLY does that if you use the software
FROM THE CD that came with the device.

That means that the software (of the same name) that I had to DOWNLOAD from THEIR
site- the "UPGRADED" version does NOT have that functionality.

I asked why not- as any customer would, and the answer was that they
didn't have the rights to send it online, only with a CD.

So- "SEND ME A CD."

"Sure- that'll be $19.95"

HELL NO. I bought the damn thing, I used the CD, but eventually had to UPGRADE, and now they said that I have to PAY to get the functions that were supposed to be there to begin with?

That was after an hour, by the way.

So guess what? I'm going to get the CD from a friend who still has his,
and then instead of getting the NEW TREO 700, or 750, or 800,

I'll be buying an I-Phone.

I think you should too.

F*CK PalmOne.

So what's the lesson? Don't THROW your customers to your competitors
by being stupid.

Swanky Bar, Empire State Building

We're at a swanky bar! This place is called The Rooftop, on 27th and 5th ave. The last picture is Laura and Meital...Nice, huh?

Swanky Bar, Empire State Building

We're at a swanky bar! This place is called The Rooftop, on 27th and 5th ave. The last picture is Laura and Meital...Nice, huh?

Mediocre 4 and the Silver Surfer...

Ah, well.

At least it wasn't as bad as the first one.

Although if someone were to argue that it was worse, I wouldn't have much defense. It's not like it was HORRIBLE, just kinda boring and cliche.

When are the writers just going to not be so corny? Why on EARTH did Sue Storm have to be a whiny brat about her marriage? She couldn't see that THE WORLD was more important than her wedding? BOOOOORING. And dumb. And Sue Storm is NOT one of those women.

As for the Silver Surfer Story- meh.

Anyway, not as bad as Spider-man 3, but dull nonetheless.

My favorite part?

The Transformers preview beforehand.

So far, only "Knocked up" has done a good job.
I hope Transformers saves this summer!

Mediocre 4 and the Silver Surfer...

Ah, well.

At least it wasn't as bad as the first one.

Although if someone were to argue that it was worse, I wouldn't have much defense. It's not like it was HORRIBLE, just kinda boring and cliche.

When are the writers just going to not be so corny? Why on EARTH did Sue Storm have to be a whiny brat about her marriage? She couldn't see that THE WORLD was more important than her wedding? BOOOOORING. And dumb. And Sue Storm is NOT one of those women.

As for the Silver Surfer Story- meh.

Anyway, not as bad as Spider-man 3, but dull nonetheless.

My favorite part?

The Transformers preview beforehand.

So far, only "Knocked up" has done a good job.
I hope Transformers saves this summer!

Freakin' Giuliani....!!!!

When Giuliani was Mayor of New York- way before 9/11, Matt Kalman of www.TheJokeProject.com and I made up an improv about him.

It was later stolen by Saturday Night Live.

It was about two guys who blamed EVERYTHING on "Freakin' Giuliani"
(Of course, when we did it, it was "Fuckin' Giuliani")

People in New York were mad at the time because Rudy closed down the strip clubs and made 42nd street into Disney world.

But it was safer, and I WAAAAAAAYYYYY preferred it to David Dinkins' New York, which was savage beatings and crime u the wazzoo.

In fact I liked Giuliani, and was ALL for him as mayor.

Now that he's running for President, everyone is acting like he did nothing before 9/11, and I wanna say that's BULL.

I'm not saying I'm voting for him, but I AM saying that he was an EXCELLENT mayor, and his opposition is taking cheap shots about 9/11 being his only display of leadership.

And mind you- it was a heck of a display.

Now then- I would ALSO like to tell Rudy to slow down on all the 9/11 posturing too.
I think his advisers are telling him to say 9/11 all the time, just so we stay reminded- I don't need reminding.

Just show us what you got NOW Rudy- I think it's a lot.

"Man.... my feet hurt today... all this concrete everywhere makes my feet hurt... "FUCKIN' GIUIANI!!!"

Freakin' Giuliani....!!!!

When Giuliani was Mayor of New York- way before 9/11, Matt Kalman of www.TheJokeProject.com and I made up an improv about him.

It was later stolen by Saturday Night Live.

It was about two guys who blamed EVERYTHING on "Freakin' Giuliani"
(Of course, when we did it, it was "Fuckin' Giuliani")

People in New York were mad at the time because Rudy closed down the strip clubs and made 42nd street into Disney world.

But it was safer, and I WAAAAAAAYYYYY preferred it to David Dinkins' New York, which was savage beatings and crime u the wazzoo.

In fact I liked Giuliani, and was ALL for him as mayor.

Now that he's running for President, everyone is acting like he did nothing before 9/11, and I wanna say that's BULL.

I'm not saying I'm voting for him, but I AM saying that he was an EXCELLENT mayor, and his opposition is taking cheap shots about 9/11 being his only display of leadership.

And mind you- it was a heck of a display.

Now then- I would ALSO like to tell Rudy to slow down on all the 9/11 posturing too.
I think his advisers are telling him to say 9/11 all the time, just so we stay reminded- I don't need reminding.

Just show us what you got NOW Rudy- I think it's a lot.

"Man.... my feet hurt today... all this concrete everywhere makes my feet hurt... "FUCKIN' GIUIANI!!!"

The Raisbeck's become Seattle's "First Citizens"...

Last week, we went to a dinner in Seattle being given to celebrate my Mother-in-law and Step-Father-in-Laws' philanthropy. It was a pretty swanky deal, with speakers talking all night about the generosity of "Jim and Sherry". I felt really proud to be the newest member of the family, and inspired to get to it and do my part. Here are some pics!





You may notice that James isn't in any of these pictures... well, it turns out that he got ill, and had to miss the whole event! He made it by phone though (technology saves the day!), and made just enough jokes to end the night right.

Our friend Vafa took some other great shots, and you can see his work here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/VafaVoss/Raisbeck1stCitizenAward?authkey=O9H2qDIHIaY

The Raisbeck's become Seattle's "First Citizens"...

Last week, we went to a dinner in Seattle being given to celebrate my Mother-in-law and Step-Father-in-Laws' philanthropy. It was a pretty swanky deal, with speakers talking all night about the generosity of "Jim and Sherry". I felt really proud to be the newest member of the family, and inspired to get to it and do my part. Here are some pics!





You may notice that James isn't in any of these pictures... well, it turns out that he got ill, and had to miss the whole event! He made it by phone though (technology saves the day!), and made just enough jokes to end the night right.

Our friend Vafa took some other great shots, and you can see his work here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/VafaVoss/Raisbeck1stCitizenAward?authkey=O9H2qDIHIaY

The Borg-ginning....

I have been saying this for at least a year now, and I am documenting it now, just so I can say "I told you so":

The Bluetooth headset is the beginning of us becoming CYBORGS.

It's not just that people seem crazy when they're wearing it, and talking, but you can't see it. It's that some people wear it while they're NOT talking to anybody-

When they are WAITING for a call.

That's entirely different that the person who is always on their phone, or the amputee who has had his arm replaced. Those people are USING the technology they have.

When someone is wearing a bluetooth headset WAITING for a call- it is an actual ENHANCEMENT to the human being- a non-necessary, and attribute-enhancing device that IMPROVES the human to accept communications.

Think about it.

When we're all cyborg, we're going to look back into history and see that the bluetooth headset was the beginning of our change.

Some people are scared of that idea.

I think it's AWESOME, and I can't WAIT to assimilate Pam Anderson!

The Borg-ginning....

I have been saying this for at least a year now, and I am documenting it now, just so I can say "I told you so":

The Bluetooth headset is the beginning of us becoming CYBORGS.

It's not just that people seem crazy when they're wearing it, and talking, but you can't see it. It's that some people wear it while they're NOT talking to anybody-

When they are WAITING for a call.

That's entirely different that the person who is always on their phone, or the amputee who has had his arm replaced. Those people are USING the technology they have.

When someone is wearing a bluetooth headset WAITING for a call- it is an actual ENHANCEMENT to the human being- a non-necessary, and attribute-enhancing device that IMPROVES the human to accept communications.

Think about it.

When we're all cyborg, we're going to look back into history and see that the bluetooth headset was the beginning of our change.

Some people are scared of that idea.

I think it's AWESOME, and I can't WAIT to assimilate Pam Anderson!

My ROCKIN' Birthday Present!!

Thanks to Rick, Meital, Ian and Noha for getting me "Guitar Hero II" for my XBOX 360!!
I'm FINALLY going to ROCK!

Funny thing is that Laura got it for me too! What does it say about me that I got a game for ages 12 and up for my 35th birthday?

Who cares- I'm ROCKIN' BABY!!!!!!

My ROCKIN' Birthday Present!!

Thanks to Rick, Meital, Ian and Noha for getting me "Guitar Hero II" for my XBOX 360!!
I'm FINALLY going to ROCK!

Funny thing is that Laura got it for me too! What does it say about me that I got a game for ages 12 and up for my 35th birthday?

Who cares- I'm ROCKIN' BABY!!!!!!

I don't give a Horse's Ass!

New York is filthy.

Sometimes I don't realize it because when you live in filth, it's hard to see it.

A fish doesn't know it's in water.

When I go to other cities, I notice how clean they all are.

I'm not quite sure how to fix all of it, but I have one thing that would make a HUGE difference to me, and if I were Mayor, the FIRST thing I would do is:

GET RID OF THE HORSE CARRIAGES.

I don't wanna hear about how tourists love them, and they want to see Central Park in one.

Who cars what they want?

The Horseshit gets all over the road, and it stinks. And then it dries and flies through the air when cars pass it.

People say they are nostalgic for a tour of Central park, but I say let the pedicabs do it, or let's get some electric horses made- POST HASTE.

Not to mention that these horses are NOT happy horses.

When I run for Mayor, my double-entendre slogan will be:

"Get rid of the HorseShit"

Vote for Bones for Mayor of New York.

I don't give a Horse's Ass!

New York is filthy.

Sometimes I don't realize it because when you live in filth, it's hard to see it.

A fish doesn't know it's in water.

When I go to other cities, I notice how clean they all are.

I'm not quite sure how to fix all of it, but I have one thing that would make a HUGE difference to me, and if I were Mayor, the FIRST thing I would do is:

GET RID OF THE HORSE CARRIAGES.

I don't wanna hear about how tourists love them, and they want to see Central Park in one.

Who cars what they want?

The Horseshit gets all over the road, and it stinks. And then it dries and flies through the air when cars pass it.

People say they are nostalgic for a tour of Central park, but I say let the pedicabs do it, or let's get some electric horses made- POST HASTE.

Not to mention that these horses are NOT happy horses.

When I run for Mayor, my double-entendre slogan will be:

"Get rid of the HorseShit"

Vote for Bones for Mayor of New York.

A Mutha-F*%kin P-I-M-P...

I am ALWAYS telling people to put their money in different places.
I like to take money from businesses and buy real estate.
At least, that's the plan right now.

Gangsta Rapper 50 Cent has a different plan:

According to Allhiphop.com, Coca Cola has purchased Glaceau, the creator of the highly successful Vitamin Water franchise for $4.1 billion dollars. 50 Cent, who owns 10% of the business, will earn over $400 million dollars from the transaction.

Not bad for Rhyming over beats, huh?

Your Commercial Sucks- Dominoe's Pizza

There is a commercial on right now for Dominoes where there is a couple in a hot tub, and just when they are about to kiss, the dominoes delivery guy says "3 medium Pizzas for 5 bucks?" or something like that. Actually sounds like a good deal.

The woman then eyes the pizzas, and they cut. When we come back, we see that the woman left BOTH of the guys in the tub alone.

What a FREAKIN' STUPID IDEA!!!!

That does NOT make me want to get Pizza. The lesson I learned in that commercial was that if I get those pizzas, I'll LOSE the girl!

I guess I had better NOT buy those pizzas- even if it IS a good deal!!

Your commercial SUCKS Dominoes.